don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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