Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
