He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
