Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
