Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
