I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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