I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
