you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
