it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
