Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a beard to bite.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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