I'm going to jail i love you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
