I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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