meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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