he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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