I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
