if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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