Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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