were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
