I can tuck mytits in my pants
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
