so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
