Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
