Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
