these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
