In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Congratulations! We have a period
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