once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
