He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
