He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
