Betty ford says i'm here all night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
