I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
