Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
