I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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