I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
