I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
