Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i believe in u and ur pee
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
