God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
