I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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