My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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