im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
3 2 1 whiskey
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
