My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
