saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
