I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
40s are totally the cure
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
