I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
