it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
