Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
