Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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