Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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