I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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