I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
