Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
