How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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