Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When are your genitals available?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
