Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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