so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
