I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
