your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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