You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
